Who Am I?

The title of this post and the title of this blog are the same for now. I think it's pretty safe to say that I really don't know who I am. Well... I don't know about that. I think there's something that sounds kind of pretentious about acting like I have no idea who I am. My name is Lacey, I go to the University of Cincinnati, I'm from Waverly, and I know a lot about my likes and dislikes. I love the musical Sweeney Todd, but was unimpressed with the movie. I stay up late, but don't do well at getting up too early. This is a part of "who I am" that doesn't mesh so well with college. I am the product of two divorces and a lot of messy relationships. I count my mom and my brother as my best friends. I have a lot of other awesome friends, too. I love my music loud, but start shutting down around loud people. Those are all silly little facts, but all the same... I have an idea of who I am.

What I don't know is who I am in relation to feminism or any feminist issues. I don't think I know what feminist issues are. I've been in Women's Studies for about two and a half weeks now and I still don't think I know what they are. The attempts I've made at following the discussions have usually ended in complete confusion on my part. Too many people going back and forth and back again leaves me confused. That's not a feminist issue, that's just how I see things. The examples I have been able to grasp from people in class don't sound like things I can relate to. I don't share their backgrounds, I don't share the history many of them have. I would raise my hand to contribute, but don't know where to start and don't even think a lot of my opinions would conform to theirs. I suppose that's not what Professor Gibson is looking for, but I'm not good with confrontations or even disagreements. If someone called me on something I said that they disagreed with, I would probably be... I don't think I would "upset," per se, but it would make me nervous. I need tougher skin. I've read the textbook and been touched by the stories, but I really haven't related to one yet. Maybe I will eventually.

I still haven't touched on feminist issues. What are they? I feel like it's even bigger than things like abortion and political issues, though those things are also incredibly important, but I can't put a finger on what they are. It's not something I've ever thought about. Or, maybe... they're things I've thought about, but never considered feminist issues. I hope to work those out. I don't know if I ever officially will, but this is a start.

I thought about doing a few different projects. (I'm using a lot of "I" statements.) The end result was this blog. I've always wanted to be/been a writer. That isn't to say I'm good at it so much as it is to say I enjoy it. It's one thing that has always comforted me. I'm also a big fan of technology, so blogging seemed like the way to go. I could've just written an essay and handed it in, but I know how that would have turned out. I would have written the essay, completely forgotten about it until the end of the quarter, and then rushed something together that was meant to be flowery and "enlightened" to these issues I am being asked about. It wouldn't have been true. By requiring myself to write (at least) once a week in this blog, I hope to chart some kind of progression. I hope to ask myself to think more about the world around me.

What if I don't "progress?" What if I stay the way I am? I'll be okay with that, too. I just need to ask myself to think in a different light. Writing is the only way I know how to do that.